Is perfectionism weighing you down?

Perfectionism is like trying to climb a large mountain. In your effort to climb as efficiently as possible, you leave behind your fellow climbers.

As you reach the summit, you realize that it could have been better. You could have done it faster. You could have taken fewer breaks. You could have climbed a taller mountain. There is no time to celebrate. You set a new goal. You will see how quickly you can climb back down. You hurriedly turn around and pick up the pace. 

If you are a high achiever, you likely have goals that you diligently work to accomplish. Although you may not achieve everything you set out to do, you know how to push yourself to get things done. 

High achievers are often highly motivated and believe that their efforts will enable them to succeed in meeting their goals. 

Is there a downside to working hard and being goal oriented? For some, the answer is yes.

If working hard is really a striving for perfectionism or a desire to be “the best,” then it may be more harmful than beneficial. 

Shaky Ground

Perfection is impossible to achieve because it is an ideal, a concept. To do something that is flawless is unrealistic, simply because we can always desire something more, different, or better. 

Even if you meet a specified goal, do you later think that you should have achieved more?

Perfectionistic goals are like building a house on unstable ground; the foundation is forever shifting. 

Cognitive Distortions

Perfectionism leads to chronic feelings of dissatisfaction and disappointment. A perfectionist may be plagued by irrational thoughts of never getting it right or never being good enough. 

Even if others recognize and praise your abilities, do you have trouble accepting praise?

If you ignore or reject praise from others, or you are your own worst critic, you may be struggling with perfectionistic thoughts. Your cognitions may have become so distorted that you are unable to enjoy your accomplishments or to recognize a job well done. 

Fear of Failure 

Sadly, the perfectionist is motivated by fear of failure. It’s a vicious cycle of trying to control fears by doing way more than necessary. It’s an exhausting pattern of working hard to get it right, preparing for rejection, and then feeling like one’s performance was a partial failure because it was not perfect. 

Can you relate to the fear of being rejected or found out as an imposter?

The goal of perfectionism often becomes so demanding that you may avoid tasks altogether. Procrastination and avoidance may be part of the vicious cycle of fear of failure. 

What can I do?

Although perfectionism may feel like it’s a deeply ingrained personality trait, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has demonstrated that change is possible.

By addressing cognitive patterns of perfectionistic thinking, you can begin to change your habits.

Cognitive therapy can help you to more accurately evaluate your thoughts and to develop flexible thinking patterns. 

Ultimately, your therapist can help you to pursue activities that are meaningful so that unrealistic expectations of perfectionism no longer hold you back. 

If you are struggling with perfectionism and this pattern has interfered with your work, academic, or social life, you may want to consider seeking professional help. 

To learn more about therapy, contact Dr. Combs-Lane.

*The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional. *