Co-parenting Counseling

Written By Amy Combs-Lane

Following separation or divorce, shared parenting between households often creates challenges. It is common in the early stages of separation for parents to experience heightened emotions and to distance from one another.

 Perhaps you have recently ended a relationship, and you are still in the process of “uncoupling.” Or you may be attempting to co-parent with an individual with whom you never had a close relationship. 

How do you move forward in a way that makes the children a priority?



First, take time to adjust. You may want space as you work through your feelings of anger, disappointment, and grief over the loss of the relationship. 





Surveys indicate that uncoupling takes time, and that most people experience the highest levels of stress and communication difficulties in the first year. However, it is common for co-parents and children to experience adjustment problems for up to 2-3 years post-separation. 





 

Who benefits from co-parenting counseling? 

Co-parenting counseling can help with the uncoupling process and establish new roles for co-parents who seem to be stuck. 



Both parents and children may benefit when co-parents participate in counseling. Ultimately, it’s the children who suffer when parents have difficulty communicating and collaborating. 



It can enable co-parents to move past negative emotions and conflict, to establish and improve communication, and to develop procedures for making important decisions affecting the children. 





You may benefit from co-parenting counseling if:

  • You are unable to communicate with the other parent. 

  • You are unable to interact with the other parent in settings where you must both be present.

  • You have difficulty coordinating matters pertaining to the children, such as schedules, education, and healthcare. 

  • You disagree about important matters affecting your children’s safety, health, or education. 

  • You have a negative attitude about the other parent which leads you to talk badly about him/her. 

  • Your child is stressed out and being put in the middle as a messenger. 

  • You are planning to return to court because of difficulties co-parenting. 





Co-parenting counseling is designed to help parents achieve a cooperative relationship and to maintain shared parenting responsibilities. The goal is to enable parents to work through differences, improve communication, and develop procedures for upholding the parenting agreement so the needs of the children are met. 





If you would like additional information, please contact Dr Combs-Lane for a free consultation. 











High Conflict Coparenting

An estimated 10-20% of separated and divorced couples fall into the high conflict category. High conflict couples are characterized by a pattern of negative interactions and insecure emotional patterns in one or both parents. 



High conflict couples may have experienced the following: 

  • destructive communication patterns, defensiveness, and counter attacking, 

  • rapid escalation of conflict

  • unremitting change attempts and continual rejections of attempts at change 

  • strong negative affect

  • safety concerns  

  • a sense of mutual distrust, emotional reactivity, triangulation, and enmeshment


The effect of parent conflict on children

 Children often feel the stress of their parents’ conflict. Due to conflict between parents, children are aware of adult situations that are not appropriate for them to know. They likely feel upset and torn between the two people they love the most. Children often feel pressure to take sides. When parents complain and criticize one another to their children, it is often confusing and unsettling. It is also problematic when messages are conveyed through the children due to a lack of communication between parents. 




Factors that contribute to coparent maladjustment 

Some factors that contribute to adjustment problems include:

  • The level of conflict in the relationship 

  • History of infidelity by either partner 

  • History of mental health or substance use in one partner 

  • Individual characteristics associated with problems making transitions, regulating emotions, and/or relating to others 

  • Personality disorders 

  

High conflict often results when one partner:

  • Lacks insight into their own behavior 

  • Has difficulty understanding how his/her actions affect others

  • Blames others for everything that has gone wrong




Parents may seek coparenting counseling because they want support navigating the process more smoothly, or they may be referred by attorneys or courts due to unresolved conflict that is affecting the children. 



Co-Parenting Interventions 

  • Parent Coordination

  • Co-Parent Counseling 

  • Family Therapy 









*The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.*

Amy Combs-Lane
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